Thursday, July 20, 2006

My Gay Frown

Such sad news, both for the movement and these amazing women. Hillary and I are in the same field and on several occassions she's provided valuable mentoring to me. She's a wonderful woman, and I wish her well.

But, damn it, I'm also mad. The right wing will have a field day with this information. Argh! And, as a young married lesbian with a child, who has struggled through times of near-divorce/separation, it's hard to see the older dyke relationships failing.

I know ... I know ... it's hard to be in the public eye, especially having a legal case of this magnitude named after you. It's hard when the Pope says "homosexual acts go against the natural moral law" in response to your case/life. And of course, 50% of all relationships end in divorce.

I've thought of these things already, but it's cold comfort.

I just want to befriend a nice old lesbian couple that's been together for 50 years and can show me how it's done. Help. The younger dykes are relying on you old ladies. Please -- we need role models.

15 comments:

Ashley said...

The Ladies of Llangollen?

Oh. Perhaps you meant contemporary models.

Joking aside, it must suck to have the added weight of "we're a test case!" added on to your failing relationship--knowing that if you break up, it will just fuel the right-wing fire. No winners.

Jan said...

My partner and I have been together for twenty-one years. I think we're probably too old to make it to fifty! Damned if I can think of any words of wisdom -- just wanted to let you know that we exist.

CarryFairie said...

Oh! That is sad. Made me mist up a little bit here...I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that the media rarely (if ever) talks about the ones that do make it, I'm sure they are out there, though it would do my single heart good to hear more about THOSE statistics...that said, you and wifey give me hope (as do they other bloggers I've had the privelege to read)

Kat with a K said...

It is sad, of course, for all the reasons you mention. But I think it's also a good opportunity to make the point that same-sex couples should not be held to higher standards than heterosexual couples in order to get the same rights. Straight couples get divorced all the time (which is a whole separate issue), and if I'm remembering correctly, fundamentalist Christians get divorced at least as often as anyone else - which could be a good thing to remind them of when they inevitably use this as an example of why gay couples shouldn't wed.

Kellee said...

You know.....we're a moderately successful, happy, heterosexual couple with no kids and no one telling us that what we want out of life is wrong and STILL we have times when we wonder if we'll make it 'til next year, much less 50 years.

It's an unimaginable thing to me to think of having to do all of the same work on a relationship with such odds and social angst hanging overhead....all while working towards bringing up a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child.

Not to be silly or smarmy, but y'all are my heros, 'cuz this s^*t's hard...

maryse said...

oh i'm sorry.

julia fc said...

Of course the Right (sic) will make something of it because they continue to believe that there's something essentially different in a queer relationship from a straight one. Its the difference they make of it. This should be evidence that we're all fallible in matters of the heart. It "means" nothing more than that.
and Dude: Newt Gingrich delivered divorce papers to his wife while she was dying of cancer in the hospital. Now THAT'S a test case.

mamacate said...

So, a) fuck the right wing, but of course I went the same place you did and was bummed at how it would be handled. SUCKS. I bet SRV really wrestled with whether to publish that news or not. Ugh.

b) We're getting used to being considred a Role Model Lesbian Couple (tm), so feel free. Only 14 years so far. So you'll have to wait a bit for fifty but we think it's okay. Except for the part about not being married.

And there's always our sporty and less sporty friends, just saying...

pippi said...

oh how sad.
being in the public eye like that must take such a huge toll on a reltaionship. gawd dayum.

it sucks that the fundies et all will use this. but as someone said above, why is it that GLTG couples should be held to some kind of diffrent standard? it is just absurd.

XO!

k is for krista said...

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn...

I agree that gay couples have no reason to be treated to a higher standard. People are people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years, and maybe I can give you the best advice I have...YOU have to make it work. Not you as a couple, you as a person. The catch-22...both of you have to accept that responsibility. Does that make sense?

Best of luck to both of you...it takes work, trust, and love.

Kat said...

That is sad. I used to play basketball with Julie. 50% of hetero marriages end in divorce. No matter your sexual preference, the odds are tough. A successful relationship takes hard work from both parties.

Suzanne said...

Wow, that is sad. For women making the first inroads in various arenas, part of the struggle is always the burden of the test case. Fail, and you fail not only yourself but the perception of women as competent. Succeed, and the same sort of extrapolation may or may not apply. What is true for feminism (oh, does that date me?) is true for gay rights. For this couple, it is sad for them that their separation is fraught with public speculation. The best they can do is to handle everything with grace and emphasize the importance of equality, divorce included if that is what happens.

wenders said...

I agree with Kat with a K 110%... there certainly should not be different standards for hetero vs. homo couples.

And I think my role models are those people who make it work AND are under the radar. Just do it, no? Slow infiltration, that's my theory.

Although, clearly, I couldn't do it, so who am I to talk?

Christine said...

For five years I had the gift of working with a lesbian couple who had been together for well over forty years. They worked as volunteers in the program that I manage. One member of the couple passed away last year; at her funeral there were many longtime couples. Yes, wonderful older dyke couples are out there, but the majority of them are far more closeted than we as younger lesbians can imagine.

**BTW, the remaining member of the couple told me a few weeks ago that she has a new 'friend'(!). What a model for life moving on, to fall in love in your late seventies.

Danielle said...

I know 1/2 of a lesbian couple who is in her seventies. Presumably her parter of a gazillion years is about the same age. Unfortunately, she lives in PA, so I'm not sure I can be much help!