The Mafia needs...

I am so amused by this meme, thanks to Anna. You simply type "[your name] needs" into Google and pick the best hits.

The Mafia needs:
... a receptionist
... an urgent ruthless purge
... effective anti-virus and anti-spam too
... to come up with an alternative reality
... a safe home and a diaspora
... allied Chinese and South Korean officers
... a new puppet
... two goons, a good lawyer and a driveby shooter/driver
... a mascot
... a real ghetto ride
... a wisecracking malcontent
... a fairy godmother

[ and my personal favorite ]

... to wear bows in their hair