For some silly reason, I've avoided difficult topics on the blog lately. I don't know why. Perhaps I'm playing the ole 'if I ignore it, it doesn't bother me' game? Strange, 'cuz that's not my typical M.O. That said, as of this moment, I'm cuttin' it out. Feel free to click away now.
#1: One of my dearest dearest dearest people is in the hospital. I'm devestated. Could I have done something to prevent it? Did I do enough? Is it partly my fault? Is she OK? Will she be OK when she comes home? What can I do?
#2: I'm losing a dear friend, and I feel like I have very little control over it. I'm mad. She's mad. But that's easy enough to manage. The problem is our wives -- they're being effing ridiculous.
#3: I start teaching again very soon, in addition to my regular full-time gig. I'm teaching two classes this semester: one in the classroom, one online. Same class, very different venues. The problem is -- last year, when I was asked to teach this class (my first ever) exactly one week before the semester started, I threw everything together, showed up, did my best, and considered that an accomplishment. Surprisingly, I loved teaching, and according to the evaluations, my students loved me. Who knew? But this year, I've had plenty of time to prepare and I've done nada. So here I am, ten days before classes start, freaking out in front of PowerPoint, trying to write everything out. Have I ever mentioned that I hate writing? Ok, I hate professional writing. Talking in front of people? I can do that. But writing it all out for the online class? I'm terrified. So I've pledged to try "prof-casting" tomorrow to see if that's a reasonable option. Talk it out, and lay the audio over a scant outline in PowerPoint. Scant outline? I should be able to do that. I think. The whole situation has my nerves 100% on edge, and even on the best day, those neural-puppies are extra wired. Panic City 90210.
In the midst of all this, I've started biting my nails again. I hate that. It's an ugly habit. Not to mention, there are several other odd & detrimental coping mechanisms that have cropped up. Argh!
But I'll get through this time, just like all the others. Note to self: this is a cake-walk in comparison to times past. As MafiaMom and MafiaGram would say: this too shall pass. In the meantime, I'd better get back to PowerPoint and my big ass glass of wine. Slainte!